Sandra Adeyeye Bello : 'The Different woman' is a symbol of change to other women

It is easy to spot a woman on a mission. Sandra Adeyeye Bello AKA The Different Woman is a clear example as she is driven to use her feminine power to make the desired change.

Sandra Adeyeye Bello


Sandra Adeyeye Bello is a woman of many parts. She is a writer, content creator, producer and a social entrepreneur. As the Founder of The Different Woman Network(TDWN), she has helped merge her career in media and passion for gender advocacy. TDWN Media is a multimedia company that focuses on using the media (especially drama) as a tool for social change.



In 2018, TWDN was borne out from venting on Instagram. Being a secondary survivor of domestic violence, she could easily connect many women with similar stories. As it became more depressing reading more stories of hurt and abuse, Sandra rebranded the idea to empower women through storytelling. She started suggesting solutions - like therapy and financial literacy - through these stories.

Omote Ro Dhe, inspired by Sandra's work with women, caught up with her in chat where she shared more about her project, mission, values and more. 

Read excerpts below:



We are so much in common, especially on women empowerment. Why do you have African Women Mobile International Film Festival - AWMIFF - a film festival dedicated to promoting and celebrating female-centric stories?

Oh wow, it's nice connecting with you, Queen. I'm all for women's rights as these are fundamental human rights. We all stand against issues like slavery, segregation, terrorism etc; yet, a lot of women, unfortunately, encounter worse because of their gender; and no one seems to see the "big deal". When you cry out, you're immediately branded with one tag or another. In her matrimonial home, she is emotionally and physically abused by her husband and/or his family who believe they have acquired a new slave to wash, cook, clean and be subservient (under the pretence of submission) to everyone because they married her. Secondly, for being born or succeeding, (or any other reason you can think of) her personal space and boundaries are broken. She is stripped and violated to prove a point. African Women Mobile International Film Festival - AWMIFF - is a bridge for the unrepresented and underrepresented female voices. We believe those stories of the woman's struggle and success which have gone unnoticed or purposefully ignored by those who write history need to be told through film. The importance of the media in shaping our society cannot be overemphasized. And because I believe that the woman has been taught how to do everything - from how to sit, stand, laugh, dress, cook etc - but, never how to be celebrated or own the spotlight to tell her own stories, AWMIFF was born to teach her that it is okay to speak up, to cry out, to tell her story, and be whoever she wants to be because only when she does will the world adjust.
Yes, we realised that filmmaking is an expensive business and many women won't be able to afford it; but, we now hold an annual online workshop to teach women how to tell their stories using the most accessible tool to them - their mobile device - it is on this premise that our festival is born to showcase films about women, shot on a mobile device. More information about our film workshops and festival can be found on our Instagram page @awmiff







As the Founder and Creative Director of The Different Woman Network, a multimedia company that allows you to merge your passion for gender advocacy and career in media productions, can you share some of your high and low moments in this cause?

Let's start from the Lows... Due to lack of external funding at the moment, my organisation can only do so much, especially in terms of fixing up a woman who needs badly to get away from a toxic partner or environment.
We've had women challenge the idea of domestic abuse during sensitisation exercises. Some will say, "nobody bad finish" meaning "there's no perfect person anywhere"; in essence, they use the manageable days of the abusers to compensate for worse days. I have also watched women return to their abusers or never leave due to a lack of monetary support. It breaks my heart every time to see how women are being taken advantage of for lack of finances to make liberating and life-changing decisions for themselves. The highs for me would be getting anonymous messages once in a while from women who I impacted unknowingly. Women who have taken some bold steps they never dreamed possible and are amazed at what they could do for themselves and also most importantly, it's encouraging to be recognised for the effort my organisation and I put into gender advocacy through the media.



Can you list some women who have influenced you into the woman you have become and what endeared you to them?

My mother would be top on the list for showing me the kind of life I should never settle for through her life's experiences. She suffered several years of domestic violence from her partner after losing my father some years earlier. You can only imagine the traumas. That's why I would like to thank her for activating in me the fire I needed to seek solutions and to constantly dream and push through those dreams no matter what. Next on the list, would be Mrs. Enobong Ime. I was just a little girl going to her cyber cafe to search for writing opportunities online when she discovered me. She offered me my first professional writing job in Radio Nigeria Enugu, Coal city FM and yes, they paid me. For spotting my tiny sparks, picking me up and fanning the embers of my passion when she didn't have to, I am always grateful because her belief in me, made me believe in me. To the few female friends who have stuck by me as sisters, my support systems whom I run to on days I am unsure and those who have lent their shoulders and pockets at one time or the other, thank you.

Since you promote the different women, what is her differentiating factor and how well can she use it to change her world?

I am The Different Woman. I don't know whether to say, it's my alter ego or a nickname but, it embodies the totality of who I am and becoming.
When I chose the name, I wanted something that truly represented my core value and helped me never forget who I am. 'The Different Woman' stood out to me as It allows me to be different - not better or more real than anyone - but DIFFERENT! In essence, I can be me, and you can be you and we're both fine. The Different Woman comes at a time when women have been told a lot of 'don'ts'. It's possible those don'ts were meant to keep the woman safe but, they have become cages and still, those don'ts have not been reviewed. Today many women are coping with anger, anxiety, depression and even thoughts of suicide. I chose to stir up those uncomfortable conversations women would rather not have 'for peace to reign'. The Different Woman has become a symbol of change for a lot of women. The idea is to question the status quo and see how we can be, do and have a healthier and safer society for the girl child to grow up in. Any woman can be a different woman, but, I am THE Different Woman.

Most times, the focus has been on empowering girls/women. How do we raise boys/men to support empowered girls/ women in our society?

Funny this is the theme for our film festival this year... He4She.
mothers Let's start by saying, women need to start seeing themselves as HUMANS deserving of respect to be able to demand it. Yes, I'm talking to mothers who intentionally and unintentionally teach their daughters to stay in toxic environments and relationships. It has to stop. Girls are no less human than boys. Please protect them. Next, new generation mothers need to break the cycle by raising ALL children the same. No child is easier to raise than another. Every child needs to be taught responsibility and accountability - EVEN BOYS. When you raise godly girls, the badly raised boys will eventually marry them... Then the cycle restarts. Lastly, right-thinking men need to start holding their brothers, friends, colleagues and fathers accountable for treating other humans badly. As a reminder, women are HUMANS not dogs or carpets or things to be used and disposed of. Women are humans with flesh, blood, feelings and flaws just like men.

You have a background in Theatre Arts and Mass Communication from the University of Benin. Are you practising this? How well has this shaped you into the woman you are?
Let me start with your last question upward. I'm not sure I could have done better in any other course. I have always said that God gave me the course of my dreams. The theatre was my first encounter with therapy. I was just coming from a place I can't call home and wasn't even sure of my place in the society; so, I was mostly mute as I had been taught; but, the theatre opened me up. Theatre gave me a voice. My eyes opened to other forms of expression not just writing which I had been used to as my go-to outlet. Broadcast media is the best thing that ever happened to me and yes, I am practising to date. I now own a digital media company - The Different Woman Network - TDWN. We are a multimedia and events company based in Abuja, Nigeria. We specialise in creating impactful audiovisual content that promotes mental mind wellness and women empowerment in Africa. We also create summer programs for teens using the media (performing arts) to teach our basic human values like respect for diversity and the need for healthy relationships. The next comes up from the 8th - 20th of August 2022. More info can be gotten here: tdwnmedia.business.site/ or download TDWN Media App from the Google Play store to get all our information in one place.
  Our platforms are also open to impactful and profitable partnerships with other brands within and outside Nigeria.

Can you shed more light on the WEmpower project? What led to its formation and what does it seek to achieve?
I coined WEMpower from the term Women Empowerment. The program seeks to empower women through real estate within Abuja, Nigeria by helping women buy affordable lands through group contributions as investments. The plan is to help women invest for the rainy day and give her a voice in her own life. The idea came to me while hosting my Tuesday night show on Instagram back then. I had been sharing my own story of being a secondary survivor of domestic violence and other women were drawn to me with more pity stories. I needed to turn the party from a pity party to an empowerment party so, this was how I did it. We created a group and contributed little amounts together monthly to secure full plots that were then shared amongst members. We started buying and flipping lands when the price was just 250k per plot. Today with more people and development in the area, land is 1.2M naira and more people are moving there as more women are joining our groups depending on the payment plan they choose. Women can pay from as low as 37,500 currently to become landowners in Abuja.

You got certified by YALI network and became a Mental Health First Aider which is commendable. Understanding that mental health is a big issue that many people shy from, how can we change the stigma attached to mental health issues?

I took my first certification course under the leadership of Aisha Bubah Abdullahi, (a certified therapist) to be a lay counsellor (a mental health first aider). I got certified in YALI Network. 

The issue of mental health has been trivialized or spiritualized because people don't understand the difference and unfortunately some don't want to. The way to change the stigma around the term mental health is to keep talking about it from an informed point of view - like we're doing now.

Everyone has got mental health just like our physical health. Mental health is mind health like physical health is body health. When your physical body is down with one challenge or the other, you have a physical illness, that's why there is mental illness. And just like you have minor injuries like knife cuts and major injuries like bone breakage or others, mental illnesses also vary. You can treat some and cope with others; but, the diagnosis should be done under proper professional supervision. It is unfortunate that a lot of people prefer over-the-counter treatments that land them in more problems than seeking professional help from organisations like The sunshine series and mind wellness and Lysi Regimen and others who are readily available to support help seekers with the right programs to attain mental balance.

Success is relative. What does it mean to you? Who are some women that are your yardstick of being successful?

I never really measured my success by anyone's standards. I've always just set goals that led me in the right direction. When I'm done I set another. For what success means to me, I'll say having some sort of balance and comfort on all fronts... Family, work and life.



What advice do you have for young women pursuing purpose?
You need to understand that it's not going to be a walk in the park. Nothing will be handed to you just because you're a woman. In fact, you may have to work ten times more than your male counterpart to prove God-knows-what to people who care less; so come prepared. Stop expecting to be treated with some extra fairness if you truly seek equality and equal pay. 

Am I justifying being treated badly as a woman? Hell no! I'm saying, you're stronger than you even imagine. Don't believe the lies that have been sold to you for ages. Times have changed. Women are bulldozing doors, shattering glass ceilings and building their own tables. You can only do this when you stop second-guessing yourself. Don't be scared to reach within and rediscover yourself. You'll be amazed at what you'll find and that's all the power you need. Keep dreaming and pushing the limit Queen I'm rooting for you.

Comments

Ejike said…
Sandra has been a capacity builder, I have been opportuned to work with her and I can attest to her doggedness in making an impact in her sphere.
Dynma said…
Waoh well done ma may God continue to bless the work of yours hands .
Sunbelcakes said…
Sandra is a great woman. I admire strength and her efforts..
Unknown said…
Keep soaring, girl!👏👏👏
Anonymous said…
Wow very inspiring
Unknown said…
Very very insightful
Unknown said…
Very impressive
AMAZING PRESH said…
The different woman anchored by Sandra Adeyeye has really given me a change in thought as to how women should be treated and how women should cRry themselves. thank you sandra, I dare to be different
AMAZING PRESH said…
The different woman anchored by Sandra Adeyeye has really given me a change in thought as to how women should be treated and how women should cRry themselves. thank you sandra, I dare to be different
Unknown said…
Weldone sis, you're doing a great job.
Anonymous said…
I really love her vision and drive, keep the good work going
Anonymous said…
This is wonderful. Keep it up.👏👏👏👏
Unknown said…
Different is a symbol! Read through and it's amazing what you're doing!!! I just wish we get it you 🙍women!
uniquechic said…
You are doing wonderful May God crown your efforts
Anonymous said…
Thank you for this. It was a wonderful experience chatting with you and sharing my truth.

- The Different Woman
Ruby said…
This is a really good initiative. More Grace to do even more.
Yele Balogun said…
Sandra is a determined woman who doesn't take no for an answer when she's pursuing a goal. She's a goal getter, who usually gives her all for the good of others.
I wish her all the best, as she hasn't started to exhibit more of what the good Lord has blessed her with.
Enjoy!!!
Unknown said…
Wow, impactful
Unknown said…
Well done, Sandra
Unknown said…
Your experiences and the knowledge you share is amazing, thank you amd keep making a difference sis. We love you and your work.
Tosan said…
Weldone ma'am, you are impacting lives out there. Keep up the great work 👍 1
Unknown said…
My super amazing boss. I guess it’s the right time to say you’re my role model. I look forward to flying higher with you ma. 💕💕❤️