Cordelia Pam: Dear Boy-child "You are seen. Your emotions and ideas are valid"

While sharing a recent feature on the girl-child, a reader commented, "What about the boys?".  I paused before reacting because I was guilty, like some of us. Many conversations rightly focus on girls because of the unique challenges they face. However, this can sometimes leave important conversations about boys in the background. 

Just a few weeks ago, some students from a school were in a viral sign-out video that sparked questions about who is to blame for the moral laxity in society. The incident also raised questions about mentorship, values and the kind of guidance many young boys receive both at home and in school. In fact, it was the audacity of the students while doing wrong that got to me. 

This is just one of the many cases. It draws back to the boy-child neglect. The place of a father figure cannot be overemphasised. Morally upright children are a product of good upbringing. We can't nurture the girls alone and leave the boys to fate. It is a joint effort. In other words, what is good for the goose is also good for the gander. As I searched for advocates championing the boy-child, I realised there were only a handful compared to those working for the girl-child. 

This feature is different because it throws the spotlight on Cordelia Pam, a boy-child advocate. Interestingly, we are in the same Media/PR industry. She leads MediaDelia Communications firm, a PR and Comms agency in Northern Nigeria. She has a couple of accolades as attestation of her good works and impact. She is also the Founder of Male and Human Foundation, an NGO advocating for the care and well-being of the boy-child. 

Cordelia is many things to many people, but we chose to let her speak on the boy-child (one of her biggest passions), his struggles, his aspirations, his values, his empowerment and what can be done to let him live purposefully. She wraps up this feature with a word for the boy-child, which is timely, wise and useful. 

Read excerpts of her exclusive chat with Omote Ro Dhe below:

Tell us about yourself. Who is Cordelia Pam?

Cordelia Pam is a Media/PR and Communications professional from Plateau State, Nigeria. With over nine years of experience in Media and communications, navigating the m Nigerian media landscape. Aside from the media, she is a change maker listed under the TWCLI top 100 change makers in Plateau State as a boy-child advocate and youth leader. She is also the founder of Male and Human Foundation, an NGO advocating for the care and well-being of the boy child. She is also the Founder of MediaDelia Communications firm, a PR and Comms agency in Northern Nigeria.

You wear many hats, but your work as a boy-child advocate caught my attention. What inspired you to take up this cause?

After reading a lot of books as a young girl growing up in Anguldi, a suburb part of Plateau State, I realised that there were a lot of men living their lives with no trajectory, which is in turn projected to their children, that, coupled with the fact that I am not ready to put out yet, caught my attention on the life of the male gender.

So, I got thinking, who really prepares these men for the responsibilities that land on their laps when they become older?

It was heavy on my mind, for every time I had faced difficulties, I thought about the young men who were my peers. So, divine inspiration handed me the male and human foundation, since it was something I wanted to do after university. I realised I was taking longer at the university due to strikes and Covid. My mind kept telling me how many other boys are losing track because I am waiting to get ready.

Was there a particular experience or moment that made you realise that boys also needed a stronger voice and support system?

Yes. A lot of it. I think one that stood out was watching my male friends talk about being providers and I realised how they were left to figure out life for themselves. No empowerment, no skill, no safe space. Just expectations.

What are some of the biggest challenges facing the boy child today that society often overlooks?

Neglect. His emotions, his hygiene, his empowerment. These are often neglected, and above all, nobody looks at his education. If he wants it or not, if he excels or not.

There is a lot of conversation around empowering girls, which is important. In your view, why is it equally important to pay attention to boys?

These empowered women might end up married or working with the not empowered men. It will be a waste if she gets someone who doesn’t understand her and ends up pushing her back to square one or indirectly making her fight for her place. A balance needs to be created between the two genders

Take for instance, teaching a girl about her menstrual hygiene, then she ends up with a man who believes men should not touch sanitary pads and that menstruation should be hidden. That's more like work done equals zero.

One book or film that changed your perspective?

The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It, co-authored by Dr. Warren Farrell and Dr John Gray

Many boys are taught to suppress their emotions. How can families and communities encourage emotional well-being among boys?

Open conversations. Quality time, empowerment for boys, safe space clubs and societies in every community.

Families should have bonding times, boys should be empowered with skills from a young age, and not be allowed to figure life out for themselves. Positive mentorship by older, experienced men. Then the music they are exposed to early in life should not morally be corrupted.

These boys should not be labelled stubborn, so they don’t pick it as their identity and move with it.

How does the absence or presence of positive male role models affect a boy's development?

Now. This is quite dicey. The absence means doom. The presence means liberation. Every young man should have a positive role model in his life. Emphasis on every boy child. You need to hear the conversations we hear whenever we go out for our outreaches. These boys are surprised that someone cares about them enough to talk to them. It is alien, even the talk on their hygiene and puberty.

Having the presence of a positive role model will help answer the questions in their curious minds. Look around you. Count the men who grew up with role models in their lives, then look at the difference between them and those who lacked.

What would success look like for you personally?

Success for me is the absence of the gender wars, which may not be completely eliminated but should be significantly reduced.

Saner families More present parents Responsible young boys And a place where these boys resort to violence and drugs is significantly reduced.

What advice would you give to parents raising boys in today's rapidly changing world?

Please, pay attention to your boys. Talk to them, be careful with the words you use. Instead of mounting financial pressure, empower them with skills early enough. Above all, be their safe space and have the difficult conversations.

A quote you live by:

Strength doesn’t mean who is in charge or more violently stubborn; it is who is emotionally intelligent and empathetic.

Finally, what message would you like to share with young boys who may be struggling to find their place in the world?  

Dear boy, you are seen. You matter. Your ideas and emotions are valid. Let the world hear it.